Spent whole night playing a joyful little game, until 5 or 6 o’clock when the sky saw light, when I felt so exhausted that my brain cannot response any more did I get into bed for some sleep. And even lay there I didn’t really rest because at dawn my body actually began adjusting itself for a new day, so after few hours I got up.
All day long my brain felt faint as if everything revolving around me. My whole soul was like deprived from my body, couldn’t make judgements, couldn’t take timely actions, couldn’t afford any labour that needs focus. The syndrome, obviously caused by the lack of sleep, was terrible.
It causes harm to me, yet I allowed myself indulging in it. That cute little game, which had attraction for me, is not relevant here. It’s the fact that I from time to time allowed myself lowering some principles let me feel embarrassed and disappointed.
This habit has been with me for many years, causing problems to my hair, my countenance, my cognitive function etc. Exactly how it was developed I have forgotten, but if have to give some reason, these are some which I can quickly come up with:
Bad self-control. It’s strange one could keep a years-long body exercise habit, while at the same time he/she stays up late constantly.
The feeling of ‘winning back the day’, especially those nights when getting off work late - that feeling pushed me to scroll over social apps to catch up with what had happened that day.
After a terrible day I again swear I won’t do such silly things any more:
再熬夜是狗！
only no one knows for how long I could keep up with that vow. What interesting species humankind is.